Glad to see his good looks weren't damaged.

No need to spend a lot of time recapping the “football”. Dangerous tackles, lots of profanity¹ and plenty of heart from both sides. 2 red cards and a sunny palette of yellows to balance the piece out. A Derby the way it should be played. Those jacks from London have one every other week and it kind of takes away the sense of urgency, doesn’t it?

Bragging rights in the Big Smoke can be won and lost week in and week out. Not on Merseyside, where you need someone like Dirk Kuyt to give you the right to rule the streets. 2 derbies and 3 goals. What a fuckin’ legend. If you kick Cesc Fabregas in the face he’d still be rolling around on the pitch today. Not Dirk. He knows he’s ugly so he just jumps right back up and puts the ball in the net. The Bitters run has ended but it things aren’t all that bad. At least they still have Yakubu, right?²

No talk of turning corners or sunrises until after Arsenal on Wednesday. By the time we kick off, I’ll be landing in Communist Cuba³ for a little rest and relaxation.⁴ Without the Greek, who got Red Carded for sliding a bit too hard into Mr. Kotter, I assume we’ll see Skertel and Agger in the center and Carragher on the right. The aforementioned Scouser thinks the feel good factor can carry us through and after the Gooners got spanked today, we could do some real damage. We need some offence Rafa. Aquilani in the center with the Monster Mach. Do it for me Rafa.

See you on the 19th kids….

-steven.

1. Mostly on my part! [↩]
2. My Lord he’s fat. Did he eat Mark Viduka? [↩]
3. So obviously no updates from me for a bit. [↩]
4. Read: Drinking my face off. [↩]

Up close and personal with Golem himself...

Not to be outdone¹ even Everton have something special planned. Apparently we’re not the only ones having issues with investors as well. Not exactly sure if they’re going to have some sort of march or protest but I think it has something to do with pyjamas. Times are tough all over I guess.

Squad for tomorrow? Who the fuck knows? My ideal would be to field the same one that rolled over Bolton last weekend but I’m not sure if we’re going to see it. Aquilani, who had a fantastic run out last weekend, is the real question. Will Rafa risk him in such a tense match? He has to stop protecting the young Italian soon enough and the heat of the derby might be his perfect baptism by fire.

It’s been 11 years since we’ve lost to our neighbours at Anfield. We’re used to showing the Bitters they’re nothing but second best. The form book is out the window² and only a win will do. We’re in a war for the last Champions League spot and the pack of chasers have games in hand. A pair of Kuyt goals did it for us earlier this season, now it’s time to do the double. GET THE FUCK IN.

-steven.

1. HA-HA! They’re always outdone… [↩]
2. I needed one pressbook cliche. Accept my apologies… [↩]

Kiss the ring, you know you wanna...

I’ll settle with the win today, for now. Not a bad match if I do say so myself. I’m sure Tom Hicks, one half of our beloved owners, will agree with me on that. The Mad Texan roared into town under a cloud of secrecy to watch everyone’s favourite fugly striker / winger bag a scrappy goal. Can’t complain about the build up though. Much better than the drivel we saw midweek against Wolves.

A cross from Insua right onto Alberto’s head and down into the path of Kuyt. 1-0 and those in the Kop finally found their voice.¹ Alberto had a few flashes of brilliance in the center of the park today with Rafa finally pairing him with Macherano in the Alonso shaped hole. Even though he made way for Lucas midway through the 2nd half, it looked to me like he’s starting to find his feet. Lord knows we’re going to need him firing on all cylinders in the weeks to come. Read the rest…

1. For a little while at least… [↩]

Don't let the man keep ya down...

A few years back, when Big Sam was in charge, Bolton was a team on the rise. They gave the Arse a run for their money, their defence was chopping us up on a regular basis¹ and a trip to Europe was on the horizon. We’re in no position to judge but it’s amazing how their fortunes have changed. Relegation fights and a string of piss poor managers.² Not the best time to take a trip to the Mersey.

Despite my midweek pessimism, I’d like to keep it positive on the night before. Stevie looked like pants against Wolves midweek but no doubt he’ll be back in the squad tomorrow and looking for a little bit of redemption.³ Agger has returned from injury and Riera will be raring to go. Nothing but a positive, attacking line up will do. We’re playing at home, no reason to play it safe. 3 points is fucking expected. Aquilani, Gerrard, Riera and M-Rod all on the field from the get go. Time to give it a go and drop some bombs.

-steven.

1. Quite the bunch of hatchet men. [↩]
2. Gary Megson, really? [↩]
3. He damn well better be… [↩]

This is usually where I hide the highlights....instead....

Now that I’m done writing nonsense¹ I’m going to keep this short and to the point. We might as well have lost today. Winning over Spurs last week is pretty much negated considering the dropped points today. Tottenham rolls over Fulham and we stutter against a weak Wolves side. Fuckin’ perfect.

Somehow we’ve moved up to Fifth but not for long. We’ve got a bigger test coming up this weekend against Bolton and I can only see more of the same. Inconsistency is the name of the game². Riera and Maxi were likely our two best players on the pitch but both were seriously lacking match fitness and could create absolutely nothing. I’m not sure why Rafa would have started a half cut Gerrard over a fully fit Aquaman but who the fuck am I to question him?

Wait a minute….I’m a discerning blogger. I can question whoever the fuck I want about anything. I’m calling a spade a spade. That was a fucking stupid move. Not only was he just coming back from injury but, like many other times this year, he looked disinterested. Not good.

We need something on the weekend. Need. We don’t need a win like I need some new shoes³. We need a win like that guy down the road from you needs a hit off the pipe. By the way, you should probably move before dude robs your place. Just sayin’ is all….

-steven.

1. I’m actually not, you’ll see… [↩]
2. Told you I wasn’t finished… [↩]
3. ‘Cause I actually don’t [↩]

Toothless Dude shows some faith...

Off to the Molineaux tomorrow and we’ll be searching for our first win there since the late 70’s. Mick McCarthy felt hard done by last time around and I’m hoping we can turn the screw again. I don’t give a fuck about his feelings to be quite honest. Stevie seems to be having a speedy recovery and might even be available for selection in 24 hours time. Don’t want to rush him back against such a rubbish side but it might quiet down the Kenwyne Jones rumours.

Before Rafa fucks off for a date with the Old Lady², he’s gone out of his way to distance himself from the whole sorted affair. For a guy that pressed extremely hard to have full control over transfers, to hear him say that he’s had no part in the negotiations means he’s either been steamrolled by the new Managing Director or he’s full of shit. In my humble opinion, Kenwyne falls into the don’t want / don’t need slot. Stay the fuck in Sunderland.

-steven.

1. No need to die young. [↩]
2. Ya fucking right. The press is are a bunch of re-tards. [↩]

The Dutch Master and his signature celebration...

You know what else made me smile a little? Beating Spurs today. It might not have been the most convincing performance, but in the battle for 4th, no opportunity can go wasted. Winning the must wins is always a cause to celebrate.

Despite missing a plethora of chances between the goals, scored at the very beginning and the very end of match respectively, we were able to sour Harry Redknapp’s day and walk away with the full 3 points.² A Dirk Kuyt double put us over the top and himself back into the hearts of Scousers everywhere. Read the rest…

1. Donations are currently being diverted to the relief efforts in Haiti… [↩]
2. When’s the last time we did that? [↩]

Where's my fucking accountant?

The press does have a habit of over sensationalizing everything but tomorrow needs no such hype. Tomorrow, when Spurs travel to Anfield, it’s an honest to goodness biggie. We’ve got some work on our hands. 4 points off the last Champions League spot and half the season gone in a blink of an eye. Our guests are currently squatting in the promised land but I have a feeling their eviction notice is coming soon.

Aston Villa, Manchester City¹, Spurs and Liverpool are all within reach. Talk about a traffic jam. Matches against these clubs are paramount and considering we dropped a full 3 points to that other team from London on opening day, this just makes a win tomorrow all the more important. Read the rest…

1. Who beat their neighbours in the first leg of the Carling Cup Semi-Final earlier this evening… [↩]

This whole courtroom is out of order!

Beleaguered, haggard, nitpicked and on the verge of being broken, Rafa Benitez cuts a forlorn figure these days. Gone are the days of pomp arrogance and sophisticated, calculated cool. In a campaign where little has gone his way¹ and everyone is pointing fingers, why have we not dropped the axe?

In most cases, Football today has nothing to do with loyalty, perseverance or good faith. Managers are sacked after a short run of bad results. Replacements, sometimes more inept than the previous Gaffer, are eager and willing to jump into the hot seat. A fat payday and a new job await them on their eventual dismissal. This fact is self evident and needs no further discussion except in the strange case of the top tier of the EPL. Why is that? Read the rest…

1. Well, we do have 2 pretty memorable victories… [↩]

M-Rod goes for a run...

It’s sad to admit but you knew it was coming. An injury time goal was the obvious karmic joke. Neither side showed any real promise today but with Stoke, that’s expected. The only team in the EPL that is allowed to use a tea-towel on the sidelines to wipe off the ball before a throw in.² The only team that is allowed to take 2 minutes to take the aforementioned throw in. The only team in the league that is able to drag the opposition down to their level. Am I bitter?

No, I’m actually insanely jealous. Read the rest…

1. Remember that SNL skit Lowered Expectations? [↩]
2. Which never gets offered to the opposition for some reason. [↩]