Guys...uhhh..can you make some noise this time? Thanks.

This year, well, we just lost to fuckin’ Wigan. No need to beat this to death, we know the performance was horrible. I’m done trying to analyze the team.¹ Almost all of the big names are back with the exception of Yossi who has an ankle problem. Johnson was in the line up to face Wigan, Torres now has 2 matches under his belt, Aquilani can’t get a match but he’s ready anyways, Gerrard is still in the hole and Agger is ready to roll. Analyze that. Either you’re up for it or you’re not.

The remainder of the season has to be perfect. Perfect. There’s little to no margin for error.² We’re stuck in a second tier competition with the very real possibility of taking another go around next year if we don’t fight our fuckin’ way out. While we’re here, we might as well beat up on the French. Rafa has a decent record in that country across the channel so here’s to hoping. GET THE FUCK IN.

-steven.

1. For a little bit, anyways… [↩]
2. There will be errors. [↩]

A sneer is worth a thousand words...

This very week last year we were rolling over Real Madrid. Making 9 time European Champions look like they were turning out for a Sunday League. Now? We’re bitching about the grass in the DW Stadium. Oh, fashionable, metropolitan Wigan. What a destination for a Monday night. By the way Rafa was talking, you’d think the boys were turning up in Chernobyl¹.

Fucking dross. Horrible, wretched performance. A £20mil midfielder who can’t get a start. Pulling off Yossi when Maxi was doing absolutely fuck all. Torres was acting like a child and Stevie was hanging his head. Same old tactics, never differing from the game plan. I know I’ve touted the loss of Alonso as a key factor but maybe teams have figured you out. Read the rest…

1. When in reality, it was a mere Three Mile Island. [↩]

Wayne Bridge is a top bloke but with all due respect, I'd smash that too.

So, instead of boring you with a article you’ve read a million times, I’m going to link to a bunch of articles you’ve probably only read once and might want my opinion on? You don’t want my opinion? Well thanks for the vote of confidence. Assholes…. Read the rest…

1. Seriously, with all due respect; which likely doesn’t mean much coming from a stupid Canadian… [↩]

Badass Bald Man...

Big Sam seems to think that we’ve copied his patented Thug in a Back Alley style of play but judging by the cards that were dished out, he’s still got that one on lockdown¹. Blackburn has never, ever, been a pretty team to watch and they’ve only regressed under Allardyce. Barcelona they are not.

Despite my best predictions, the Gaffer came out of left field with a squad I never thought I’d see. Macherano in the back four? Gerrard partnering Lucas? Torres being rushed back?  Has Rafa gone back in time and re-united with his pre-2007 self? Are we about to be subjected to a new wave of rotation? Will Marty make sure his Mom and Dad get together at the Under the Sea Dance? All these questions and more answered after the jump. Read the rest…

1. Except for maybe the Greek but that’s not our fault. [↩]

Macherano shows NYxHC some love...

It must have been Show the Boss You Can Score Night as Macherano, Gerrard and even our resurgent Ryan Babel got on the score sheet. A screamer, a sneaker and a tap in. Where’s the fuckin’ love? God knows this is the first time we’ve scored more than 2 goals in, well, I can’t even remember to be honest so pardon me for my little celebration.

Lille in the next round with potential trips to Juve and Valencia still alive and well. Life is good¹.

It wouldn’t be Liverpool if the evening didn’t come without something bad happening. No, I’m not talking about Zonal Marking. I’m talking about Martin Skrtel coming down with a bad case of broken foot. Perfecting timing, just when he was finding his form. Thankfully Johnson will be back soon and the Greeks suspension for his red card in the Derby is almost over. Guess it’s time for some youngsters to put a shift it. Read the rest…

1. But really, it could be better. [↩]

Go ahead, Cornelius, you can cry.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t posted in a year or maybe it’s the wine that I’ve been drinking, but I think it is about time I stopped being quiet.  Or maybe it’s because I can’t read a sports website based in England without tripping over the names John Terry and Ashley Cole.  What have the two Blues teammates done to warrant such headlines?  They have not won any trophies or accomplished anything to note.  In fact, Chelsea will be playing with a goal deficit when they come back to Stamford Bridge in the return leg against Inter Milan.  No, these two knuckleheads are in the news because they couldn’t “keep it in their pants.”  Now, what exactly “it” is, I’ll leave you to guess, but I will give you a hint: It’s the same thing that Tiger Woods has problems with.  Jose would be so proud.

I am usually a little critical of the press when they start meddling in the lives of public figures, however, at some point there needs to be a line drawn.  As far as I am concerned, if you make money from endorsements, which are basically asking the public for money because you say that you support something, then you are fair game for the media.  It’s a double edged sword that media.  It can make you famous, but at the end of the day, they’re just trying to make a living and will use whatever story will draw people in. Read the rest…

Growing up by falling down...

Off to Romania tomorrow and thank fuck if we come through unscathed. As I said in an earlier post, these so called ‘little matches’ in the Europa League are going to be anything but easy. When you’ve got a giant like Liverpool knocking on your door, you know everyone is going to be up for it. Unirea Urziceni will be no exception. A scalp this big only comes along so often.

The stadiums are smaller.¹ The fans are closer to the pitch and stacked in like sardines. The opposition players would sell their parents up the river to play for a club this big. No way around it. This is going to be tough.

Will we see Torres or Benayoun tomorrow? I wouldn’t be surprised if we did even though Rafa said he won’t be rushed back. With only the 1 goal to separate us in the first leg, we’re going to need some insurance in the form of an away goal. Neither of them is fully match fit and the likelihood of an injury recurrence is high. Not the best situation to be in but we’ve made our bed. Now let’s hope we don’t piss in it….

-steven.

1. Even though the match will be played at Steaua Bucharest’s stadium… [↩]

First, you take the ball. Then, you take the girlfriend...

Despite my ideas of catwalk grandeur, keeping my eyes shut still seems to be the better option and not to worry about the torrid display earlier in the day at Eastlands. Enjoy the sunshine and the freakishly Spring like weather we’re having and put the Redmen to one side until the next time we have the opportunity to embarrass ourselves.

I’m not a stats person. I don’t prattle on about numbers because they never tell the whole story.¹ Today though, it was an absolute nightmare for those of you with your pencils at the ready. 1 shot registered on goal apiece. 7 yellow cards. More wayward passes then my Nephews under 5 team. Pretty sad when the highlight of the match is Vincent Kompany losing his boot for the better part of 5 minutes.² Truly compelling display by both sides. Read the rest…

1. Unless you do it right, that is. [↩]
2. Wish I could find a video of that. Watching him walk hopelessly around with it in his hand was pure gold! [↩]

Let me get this straight...the drinks are free?

I’m happy to report that all the Pinkos in Cuba are alive, happy and well. Unconcerned with the financial crisis, they instead spend their days making amazing music and living quite fulfilling lives.
Watching Vera Cruz hit a Grand Slam in the bottom of the ninth to send the best baseball game I’ve seen into extra innings helps with the quality of life as well. What’s wrong with Communism again? Please explain…

Anyways, even in Cuba, you can find out that Liverpool put in a valiant effort against the Gooners but still came up short.¹ Can I say I’m surprised? No, not really. We’re still looking for our first win at the Emirates and it looks like we’re just gonna have to wait a bit longer.

Off to Europe, and a 1-0 win² in our opening Champions League Jnr. match. Maybe it’s the R&R talking but I’m not gonna fuckin’ complain at this point. A win is a win is a win. The knockdown from Pacheo for Ngog to score was a nice piece of work. The boy’s a bit special, ain’t he?

Speaking of wins, we need one of them tomorrow. One point off Man Citeh with them having a game in hand. Now that’s one sticky situation. We need to keep up with the pack and make sure we qualify for the Champions League. But, you’ve heard this song and dance before so I’m not going to prattle on. We’ll just look forward to putting the newest band of Mercenaries and their suave Italian coach in their place. Which is below us. Obviously.

-steven.

1. Fucking Arsenal… [↩]
2. Which is somehow disappointing… [↩]

Glad to see his good looks weren't damaged.

No need to spend a lot of time recapping the “football”. Dangerous tackles, lots of profanity¹ and plenty of heart from both sides. 2 red cards and a sunny palette of yellows to balance the piece out. A Derby the way it should be played. Those jacks from London have one every other week and it kind of takes away the sense of urgency, doesn’t it?

Bragging rights in the Big Smoke can be won and lost week in and week out. Not on Merseyside, where you need someone like Dirk Kuyt to give you the right to rule the streets. 2 derbies and 3 goals. What a fuckin’ legend. If you kick Cesc Fabregas in the face he’d still be rolling around on the pitch today. Not Dirk. He knows he’s ugly so he just jumps right back up and puts the ball in the net. The Bitters run has ended but it things aren’t all that bad. At least they still have Yakubu, right?²

No talk of turning corners or sunrises until after Arsenal on Wednesday. By the time we kick off, I’ll be landing in Communist Cuba³ for a little rest and relaxation.⁴ Without the Greek, who got Red Carded for sliding a bit too hard into Mr. Kotter, I assume we’ll see Skertel and Agger in the center and Carragher on the right. The aforementioned Scouser thinks the feel good factor can carry us through and after the Gooners got spanked today, we could do some real damage. We need some offence Rafa. Aquilani in the center with the Monster Mach. Do it for me Rafa.

See you on the 19th kids….

-steven.

1. Mostly on my part! [↩]
2. My Lord he’s fat. Did he eat Mark Viduka? [↩]
3. So obviously no updates from me for a bit. [↩]
4. Read: Drinking my face off. [↩]